Down with the Sickness

Yesterday as track practice got underway, I couldn’t help but notice that our team was smaller then usual.  Many people were sick at home.  Then it struck me, considering how we recently crushed Highlines hopes and dreams, is all this illness really a coincidence? 

You may be thinking that it is a little presumptious of me to claim that foul play is involved. However, when one considers the implications of the specific illness which plagues us, I think the issue comes into focus.

According to an urgent report by a pediatrician working for Valley Medical Center, "There has been a very troubling and unprecedented spike in the number of scurvy cases." If this evidence was not incriminating enough he goes on to say, "What is especially perplexing about this wave of illness, is that it seems selective in who it effects. As of yet, all patients diagnosed have been between 14 and 18 years of age."

Now for those of you who are not tracking with me, scurvy has long been associated with pirates and Highlines mascot is a pirate. Do you see the connection?

How was Highline able to confer upon us this illness? The cause of scurvy is well documented. It is the prolonged deprivation of Vitamin C. How could Highline cause such a massive shortage of Vitamin C in our bodies? It seems to deny explanation.

I was, frankly, stumped. Fortunately, Patty Harvey relayed to me a story that pointed to the supernatural. It is a well known fact that pirates primarily operated in the Carribean. It was here that they became aquainted with the black art of voodoo. Voodoo was originally carried to the Carribean by African Slaves who were shipped across the Atlantic to work the sugar plantations. Pirates being a superstitious lot soon began practicing voodoo.

Last Saturday, voodoo priestess Patty Harvey was preparing to spill the blood of a young goat. She found that her goat was missing! As she looked for it she came upon a scrap of paper that read:

Shiver me Timbars! This goat be claimed as booty.

With this written piece of self-incrimination. It seems clear that the Highline Pirates have cursed our team to languish in vitamin C deficiency.

Now that the culprit and causes of our illness is understood, what course of action should we take? I propose two things. First of all, as a preventative measure, I recommend that we take a cue from earlier sea fairing generations and make it a habit of feasting on limes and other citrus fruits. Secondly, I propose we convince Patty to take revenge on them and cast some sort of counter curse.

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